Who Fuses the Music

 My newest addition to the English language:

Intelly Hour - an hour in which one discusses life. Intellectually, realistically, exhibiting only words of genuininitity. 

     I don't care if it's negative.  I don't care if it goes against
what manners of politeness that you've been taught. I don't care if it hurts, sucks, or burns.  All I want to hear is realness.  Realness with yourself, and realness with me. Let the intelly hour begin.


    Intelly hour topic #1: Today depreciated in value the moment the sun rose and especially as it set.  It was the worst birthday of my life...meaning not as good as the rest, meaning not the worst day of my life but simply 1 of the 22 birthdays in my life that could have been wonderful but was not.  So, Today was not good, and it also happened to be my birthday.  If the age 22 is always going to be like this then I'm quitting now.  Where's the nearest pool of hungry sharks.

Caution: looking at this for too long may cause vomiting

       Intelly hour topic # 2: Fear.  One of my fears that's been zig-zagging through my brain lately is one of conformity.  I am afraid that I'm becoming like every other girl here in Provo.  I am afraid that my mannerisms, sense of humor, politeness, aggreable-ness are following in the Provo girl rally that I detest.  NO! It's like my sassy shadow is trying to detach itself and follow sync with the generic Provo girl.  Or like I'm losing my voice, my individual rights of ownership to myself, like they were sold when I signed up to live here. NO! Don't leave me self, I need you.


     Intelly hour topic # 3:  My room mates right now?  That's right, I don't talk bad about people but this is less like an inconvenience and more like a problem affecting my life.  I would prefer a different living situation is all I'm saying.  And dealing with it is not easy but manageable. A problem I might now be able to solve but a problem I can tolerate. Don't get that confused with the word 'submit to'.  I'm not submitting to my roommates filthy habits, or letting it affect how I live my life, and especially not my happiness. But she's going to live how she is going to live and I'm going to make sure that how she lives in only on her side of the room and no where near mine.  And when she talks incessantly to herself about her Sci-Fi novels I'm going to wear headphones, when she talks uncontrollably to me about her Fantasy novels I'm going to be blunt but kind about it being rude to talk my ear to pieces about something I know nothing about and care even less about. I still respect her, and show her kindness and love despite her recent reactions and malicious attitude. I hope by the end of April we can both come to enjoy each other and wish the best for each other. It'll happen.