Learning is hard. Especially when they are things that you think you don't need to learn, things you've felt like you've already learned, or things you simply don't want to learn.
Take my leg situation for example. I can't walk. I think I haven't been able to walk before. Yes, around this same time last year I had a knee surgery. I was alone in a state with no family or aware friends to care for me. I had to keep my job - and try to work without pain meds. I had to keep my grades up and attend all classes, tests, and activities going full time at school. I had to perform fantastically despite not being able to sleep from the pain at night, and lack of food from not being able to make it to the grocery store. I had to walk around a huge campus with crutches at 10mph in order to make it on time to my classes. But despite all of this, my head stayed afloat. Yes I had a few breakdowns, cutting remarks from coworkers expecting more, a few unfair points docked from tests and papers, financial troubles from missed days at work, anxiety attacks from not moving my body like how I need to for weeks on weeks, bad hair days, and long nights. But God knew everything. And I knew that, and I tried hard at meeting all demands and even harder at having faith in Him.
This poem by Victor Hugo is the perfect ending to this perfect semester. I am truly humbled by this warm, and unexpected shower of blessings.
This is Kristopher and I last month at Laguna Beach <3>
Puisque j'ai mis ma lèvre à ta coupe encor pleine
Puisque j'ai mis ma lèvre à ta coupe encor pleine ;Puisque j'ai dans tes mains posé mon front pâli ; Puisque j'ai respiré parfois la douce haleine De ton âme, parfum dans l'ombre enseveli ; Puisqu'il me fut donné de t'entendre me direLes mots où se répand le coeur mystérieux ;Puisque j'ai vu pleurer, puisque j'ai vu sourireTa bouche sur ma bouche et tes yeux sur mes yeux ; Puisque j'ai vu briller sur ma tête ravieUn rayon de ton astre, hélas ! voilé toujours ;Puisque j'ai vu tomber dans l'onde de ma vieUne feuille de rose arrachée à tes jours ; Je puis maintenant dire aux rapides années :- Passez ! passez toujours ! je n'ai plus à vieillir !Allez-vous-en avec vos fleurs toutes fanées ;J'ai dans l'âme une fleur que nul ne peut cueillir ! Votre aile en le heurtant ne fera rien répandreDu vase où je m'abreuve et que j'ai bien rempli.Mon âme a plus de feu que vous n'avez de cendre ! Mon coeur a plus d'amour que vous n'avez d'oubli !
Translation:
Since I have set my lips to your full cup, my sweet, Since I my pallid face between your hands have laid, Since I have known your soul, and all the bloom of it, And all the perfume rare, now buried in the shade; Since it was given to me to hear on happy while, The words wherein your heart spoke all its mysteries, Since I have seen you weep, and since I have seen you smile, Your lips upon my lips, and your eyes upon my eyes; Since I have known above my forehead glance and gleam, A ray, a single ray, of your star, veiled always, Since I have felt the fall, upon my lifetime's stream, Of one rose petal plucked from the roses of your days; I now am bold to say to the swift changing hours, Pass, pass upon your way, for I grow never old, Fleet to the dark abysm with all your fading flowers, One rose that none may pluck, within my heart I hold. Your flying wings may smite, but they can never spill The cup fulfilled of love, from which my lips are wet;
My heart has far more fire than you can frost to chill, My soul more love than you can make my soul forget
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Fusing your soul with another person's soul is absolutely terrifying.
-Sami Lynch
In Preparation:
1. Create the Magnet, and create it strong.
- What am I creating in my own qualities, and my own character to attract what I want in a future relationship?
-manners, civility, financial responsibility, common sense, dress, good taste, work ethic, pray, cooperate with others, communication skills, how to compromise, stay fit, our appearances, good humor, conversations, intelligence...etc
- What qualities do i want in my future companion?
2. Get the two great questions in life, and in the RIGHT order.
1. where am I going?
2. who am I going with?
3. Begin your marriage like Adam and Eve began their marriage:
-both open with each other, and not ashamed and stayed open with each other - Is there anything I have done that I would be ashamed to tell my spouse?
4. Expect to water camels (for the Girls), or Work seven years for a bride (for the guys).
The Decision Making:
The 10 Commandments for Decision Making:
1. Don't make decisions based on fear.
-all of decisions made out of fear are always the wrong ones
-focus on the fruits of the promised land
2. The Lord won't make the decision for you, but a lot of people want him to.
-its a decision of preference, not necessarily because it is right. Because it could be.
3. Beware of demanding, and asking the fire of God.
4. Almost everyone gets cold feet, just expect it.
when you do, ask yourself this: Are you nervous about a specific thing, or about the whole idea of marriage?
5. The time is rarely right. Focus on the person not the timing.
6. The name of the game is Courtship, not hanging out. (hanging out was invented by Lucifer)
7. It is possible that God can say "Yes" to one and "No" to another.
8. Be careful of the images of the world. (whats the key to a successful marriage? low expectations. Guys problem - with image expectations, Girls -
9. Ordinances and Covenants bring an increased spiritual maturity, that if they are not made, one can spiritually plateau.
10. There are more Davids than Josephs. -the bridling of passion is an expression of love.
Two Final Questions:
1. Are you in love with the person, and not the feeling? Love is a deep unity maintained by the will and distinct power for unity.
2. Will God seal an empty jar?
"The Man" is a slang phrase that may refer to the government or to some other authority in a position of power. In addition to this derogatory connotation, it may also serve as a term of respect and praise.
The phrase "the Man is keeping me down" is commonly used to describe oppression. The phrase "stick it to the Man" encourages resistance to authority, and essentially means "fight back" or "resist", either openly or via sabotage.[1]The earliest recorded useof the term "the Man" in the American sense dates back to a letter written by a youngAlexander Hamiltonin September 1772, when he was 15. In a letter to his father James Hamilton, published in the Royal Dutch-American Gazette, he described the response of the Danish governor ofSt. Croixto a hurricane that raked that island on August 31, 1772. "Our General has issued several very salutary and humane regulations and both in his publick and private measures, has shewn himself the Man."[2][dubious– discuss]In theSouthern U.S. states, the phrase came to be applied to any man or any group in a position of authority, or to authority in the abstract. From about the 1950s the phrase was also anunderworldcode word forpolice, the warden of aprisonor other law enforcement or penal authorities.
I was writing a paper that had the term "the man" used in it as a metaphor that I was to analyze. And so, I looked up the history behind it....and that's when he first became one of my heroes.
Then, this week especially with all of the homework I have to get motivated for, I've been on quite the rap kick. My favorite type of kick.
So I didn't think life could get better after listening to Mobb Deep/Emancipators - Shook until I found Alexander Hamilton embodied in a rap song. And then, it did.
God Bless America.
Lin-Manuel Miranda [Verse 1]
How
does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore
And
a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot
In
the Carribbean, by Providence impoverished, to squalor
Grow
up to be a hero and a scholar?
The
ten-dollar Founding Father without a father
Got
a lot farther
By
workin' a lot harder
By
bein' a lot smarter
By
bein' a self-starter
By
fourteen they had placed him in charge of the trade and charter
And
every day while slaves were being slaughtered
And
carted away across the waves
Our
Hamilton kept his guard up
Inside
he was longing for something to be a part of
The
brother was ready to beg steal borrow or barter
Then
a hurricane came and
Devastation
reigned and
Our
man saw his future drip drippin' down the drain
Put
a pencil to his temple
Connected
it to his brain
And
he wrote his first refrain
A
testament to his pain
When
the word got around, they said, "This kid is insane, man!"
Took
up a collection just to send him to the mainland
Getcha
education, don't forget from whence you came
And
the world is gonna know your name!
What's
your name, man?
Alexander
Hamilton. His name is Alexander Hamilton
And
there's a million things he hasn't done
But
just you wait. Just you wait
[Verse
2]
When
he was 10, his father split
Full
of it, debt-ridden
Two
years later, see Alexander's mother, bed-ridden
Half-dead,
sittin' in their own sick
The
scent thick
And
Alex got better but his mother went quick
Moved
in with a cousin. The cousin committed suicide
Left
him with nothin' but ruined pride
Somethin'
new inside, a voice
Saying
Alex, you gotta fend for yourself
He
started retreatin'
And
readin'
Every
treatise on the shelf
There
would've been nothin' left to do
For
someone less astute
He
would've been dead and destitute
Without
a cent of restitution
Started
workin'
Clerkin'
for his late mother's landlord
Tradin'
sugar cane and rum and other things he can't afford
Scannin'
for every book he can get his hands on
Plannin'
for the future, see him now
As
he stands on the bow of a ship headed for a new land
In
New York you can be a new man
The
ship is in the harbor now
See
if you can spot him
Another
immigrant comin' up from the bottom
His
enemies destroyed his rep, America forgot him
And
me? I'm the damn fool that shot him
Alexander
Hamilton
We
were waiting in the weeds for you
You
could never back down
You
always had to speak your mind
But
Alexander Hamilton, we could never take your deeds from you
Tonight it felt like yesterday. It's moments like these that make me realize how beautiful it is to be a human. And in these moments, I've never been more sure that I exist. I've never felt more alive.
I could feel the elements congregate around me to bear me up, holding my heart in place so as it wouldn't fall through my chest cavity.
this song is the vehicle that transports me back to an unmarred, vivid event. I don't need a pensieve, like Dumbledore. I have it better.
Maybe not today, or next year for that matter will I hope that he sees this raw uncooked batter. These words of advice from someone much younger not written to be labeled as one's power hunger. Instead I write because truth does exist, I want to show him in poem, instead of using my fist. Afterall he's a guy, human with pride and such and its hard to change someone or convince them of stuff. But I don't want to be accountable for not being brave enough to transmit the truth to him via radio wave. Welp, sometimes I'm too serious for my own good, and sometimes I'm serious and its for my good. In this case, I plead the fifth. Hey look, I wrote a Ghazal. Gah. What's a Ghazal? This is:
A short lyrical poem that arose in Urdu. It is between 5 and 15 couplets long. Each couplet contains its own poetic thought but is linked in rhyme that is established in the first couplet and continued in the second line of each pair. The lines of each couplet are equal in length. Themes are usually connected to love and romance. The closing signature often includes the poet's name or allusion to it.
I want to kiss you forever, forever, forever, forever yeah...
I want to kiss you forever, just want to kiss you forever.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
J'aime cet homme. Il n'est pas "l'homme universel" mais il a l'esprit. Et l'esprit est quatre choses que on a besoin si tu veux exister. Je voudrais exister, sourtout avec l'esprit comme lui.
But it's true, I'll admit. I can't deny this reality. Life's started the hardness, pain, humiliation, and temporary damnation all over today. I'm reliving my nightmare, though it was once real life. But I know I'll live through it. It's not the end of the world, things will get better soon. Other people are going through harder things than me right now, and they too are hidden under a blanket in public.
I wonder what the guy sitting next to me at this BYU's computer lab is going through right now. Maybe a death, maybe a break up, maybe a fight, or maybe absolutely nothing and his life is perfect and he is happy blah blah blah.
That's what we all tend to assume about everyone else, right? Well people, 'tis false doctrine. Now go smile at someone and do something nice for someone - who knows, you might just be what they need right now.
Like how I needed my mom's phone call a few minutes ago. And how I need to go to class and love learning and ignore all dwellings on the pain and stares.
Anyways, here's a confession: sometimes I write poetry. It's what comes out of my thoughts and begs expression. Then I write it down/type it out/rap it to a nearby friend. Then it feels like I just sneezed the most satisfying sneeze. That's called human expression people. Its refreshing. Even better than Lemonade.
9/17/12 Torn Leaf
Today I received news that changes my life The significance sinks in and blinds me with strife. Does anyone know the importance of today? Of this stale blow of air that breathes hope away? Not the man walking next to me or the girl walking by. While I’m clenching my bag firmly, not wanting to cry.
I can be strong. Is all that is said. over and over again in my head.
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